Flat Stanley Thrills the World

Flat Stanley visited me from Houston, Texas and we decided to show him a good time. He went to the U2 concert in Dallas, Thrill the World practice, City Hall, and Thrillerfest. I sent back a DVD instead of just photos.

Stanley can come back to visit any time!

Heart on my Wrist

When I started the Leadership Austin Emerge program last year, I met a guy who was wearing a metallic red bracelet. Wearing my LIVESTRONG bracelet, I was intrigued to see someone with a very worn, metal bracelet on his wrist. I asked him about it.

"Oh, this?" He said, almost surprised. "I forget that it's there, I never take it off. It's for a P.O.W. in Vietnam. I keep this name on my wrist so no one forgets him."

I didn't know much about the Vietnam War. It wasn't really covered in school but I knew bits and pieces. I knew my dad did not get drafted, and Aaron's dad did, but we never talk about it.

I kept thinking about that worn bracelet on his wrist, and his dedication to a man he's never known.

I looked it up about a month ago and found the P.O.W. Network. I know there are many sites and resources for veterans but I liked the rough look of their website and the strong opinions voiced there. I don't know enough to take any sides of an issue, but their dedication and wealth of information is impressive. I think I read the website for about an hour until pulling myself away.

I ordered a bracelet from the P.O.W. Network and received one with a Texan Army Ranger's name. I won't post his name here so that it doesn't come up in search results, but you can read his story. I wasn't expecting the impact this would have on me.

When I see the bracelet, I think about the person whose name I'm wearing every single time. What did he look like? How did he feel about being in Vietnam? What happened after he went looking for water? Will he ever be found?

I always thought of veterans like my grandfather from World War II on Veteran's Day. The Vietnam War or Korean War wasn't something I remembered from school. But the simple power of a bracelet is that it is can make us honor, miss, or love someone we have never met. It is not just a fashion statement. (So bite me, AskMen.com.)

Ask your parents, your grandparents, your co-workers, your neighbors today if they are a veteran. You may be surprised to find out they are. Ask them for their story. Honor them for their gift to our country and remember those who are fallen.

Moving Up the Ranks

When I lost my job, I thought I was doomed. I would be joining the ranks of the unemployed, and I knew competition would be fierce. But I stayed focused and I believe I got lucky in getting a new position within about six weeks. This was not the norm and I am grateful.

To those still looking - have hope. Here is what I did, with some suggestions from my friend Jeff, that went a very long way. Remember that my path will not be the same as yours, but maybe you can find some tips in here to help you.

• When they give you the news, it's okay to cry.
• If you are allowed (not escorted out the door), email the vendors and partners you have worked regularly with to let them know to contact your manager since you are leaving the organization.
• Hopefully, you were not storing any personal files on your work computer. If you were, delete them now. Do not do anything stupid like delete work emails or files to be vindictive.
• When you get home, file for unemployment. It needs to be the first thing you do. You can do it all snotty and crying online with your state workforce commission.
• The second thing you need to do is update your resume. Be sure to add as much quantitative information as possible to show the impact you made on the previous organization.
• Give yourself time to grieve, especially if you loved your job. I think it feels like being dumped, which you kinda were.
• Even if you are grieving, immediately start your new job: finding employment. Treat it like a job with the same 8 hours (or more) a day dedicated only to getting something new.
• Network. E-mail and call all the vendors, previous co-workers, current co-workers, and industry colleagues to let them know you are looking for new opportunities. Do not dump on them how you were wronged and gossip about how terrible the organization was. It's time to move on, and the face you present to your network can work in your favor. Ask if there are any open positions they are aware of, at their organization or others.
• Ask your closer contacts to review your resume. This helps you find things you didn't consider to highlight, and it gets your resume in front of a lot of people.
• Update your Twitter, blog, LinkedIn, and mailing lists with your job hunting status. Join job clubs. Market yourself for the awesome person you really are.
• Start looking at places where you have always wanted to work. I found nothing in the newspaper or the major job sites that had a position I remotely wanted.
• Do not apply for a job unless you really want it. This is important for two reasons: 1. If you really want it, you know you are qualified for it and would enjoy it. 2. If you are offered a job and turn it down, you will probably lose your unemployment benefits.
• Do not flood every open position with your resume. Keep a spreadsheet of where you applied, what date, and the status of your application. This will help with your unemployment reporting but it will also make sure you don't apply for the same job twice, a certain deal-killer. Save each cover letter and resume that you use to apply so you can re-use some points for similar positions.
• Remember that it takes at least six months to find a new position, so get your finances in order and be patient. Look for places where you can cut back, buy cheaper groceries, and use free resources (like the library). I called it going into lockdown.
• I recommend not using a recruiter. Most employers hate them and some will charge you. You know you best, so take the time to search for the jobs you want.
• Never give out your social security number on an application. Consider it if you make it to the interview, but it's not necessary for just the application.
• Make time to relax. Have date nights, work out, or go see a movie. Taking your mind off things can revitalize you, especially if you're feeling hopeless.
• When you score the interview, do your homework. If you get the hiring manager's name, check them out to see what their interests are and where you can connect.
• Practice your interview. I found a book called 60 Seconds & You're Hired at the library and it turned out to be amazing. Keep your responses to questions under 60 seconds - this prevents you from rambling - and the book provides answers to some of the dumb questions you will get asked ("If you were an animal, what would you be?").
• In the interview, you do not have to answer each question immediately. Take a moment to consider before opening your mouth.
• Ask at the end when you can expect to hear back about next steps from the position. This will give you a time table.
• Keep interviewing and applying until you have a written offer letter in hand. It will happen.

I only applied for three positions, and I got written offers for two. Luck is a big part of your search for timing - there may be a great position out there, but it might not be available at this time. Check back daily to see if new positions are added.

By only applying for the three positions, I knew that I was qualified for them and I would want them. I had settled in for the long haul so even though I searched and worked on getting a job 40 hours a week, I only applied for the good ones.

And remember, your family and friends love you. They will provide support, listen when you are down, and cheer you up when you need it. Try not to let your situation change how you think of yourself - besides that it wasn't your fault, you are not defined by your job.

And when you get a new job and everyone tells you how this is all for the better and isn't it fantastic things worked out this way - give the verbal smackdown. I love my new position but nothing is worth the stress, anguish, and uncertainty of unemployment. I am happy that I found a place that is a wonderful opportunity, but I'm not happy how I arrived there. (Think of the end result, not the journey, in this case.)

Good luck - I know you can do it.

Remembering Memo

Today is Grandparent's Day. My grandmother passed away a couple of months ago and I still think about it often.

After she passed, my friend Sarah told me that it stays on your mind for a while, and it's true. I've been putting off writing about it but today seemed like an appropriate day. It feels odd not to send a card or give her a call.

My grandmother is a pretty amazing woman. I learned from my aunt several things I didn't think about asking until now, but I'm glad I did. For example, my grandmother married very young. She met my grandfather at church, and how could he resist such a beautiful woman?

During World War II, he went into the Navy and she was a welder. Yup, she was a Rosie the Riveter.

She was also a saver. My aunts were kind enough to go through all the things she's collected over the years and give them to my family. I've seen my dad's baby shoes, his graduation announcements, the handwritten offer letter for joining his office.

When my sister and I were born, my mother had a hard time recovering and keeping up with two babies. My grandmother stayed with her for a while taking care of all of us. She kept photos I'd never seen.

My favorite memories of my grandmother were staying each summer with her while we were growing up. We'd usually stay a couple of weeks with my grandparents, and then my grandmother when my grandfather passed away. We'd entertain ourselves sometimes. We'd watch cartoons or Picture Pages and go for walks in the evenings. We'd take trips to the natural science museum or to NASA.

She remembered everything we told her. Not just me and my sister, but her four children, all their children, and their children's children. She could tell me what was going on with my cousins and would pass along news about me to them.

We made this horrendous sweatshirt for my grandmother which she kept. My aunt offered it to my sister, and I couldn't remember what it looked like. Now that I've seen it, I think it shows what an amazing grandmother she was to wear it with pride. And it was true - she is the world's greatest grandma.

Life Line

I’ve been watching Star Trek: Voyager for a few months now by renting the DVDs as part of my Sunday night routine. I didn’t watch a single episode when it was on TV; I thought that nothing could top Next Generation, so why bother? But it’s confirmed my hypothesis that Star Trek likes to send me messages about my life.

Not huge ones, mind you. Just an “ah ha!” moment when I realize I can identify with a message. Sure, as the Onion points out, it could be heavy handed, but it’s still the kick I need.

Even if you’re not a Trekker, we do need a little kick even if it is from a TV show. The first kick I got was watching the Firefly episode Out of Gas in 2006. I realized from that episode that my place of employment, my ship, wasn’t what mattered to me. What mattered was a captain who cared about his crew, and I started to look for a new job where I eventually landed at the Foundation.

When I started at the Foundation, I thought everyone would see that I was a sham. I didn’t think I was smart enough to work there. After all, what did I know about how the place worked? How was I going to learn all the new things required of me?

But I did it. Each day brought a new challenge, to the point where I stopped noticing. I stopped seeing that I used to be scared about my job. I learned what I needed backward and forward, inside and out. And I believed in working on that ship.

And there was my mistake – I was looking at the ship again. I accepted the way things were because I was comfortable and got used to things.

When my position was eliminated last week, I was in shock. What did I do wrong? I gave everything I had to the ship. I was told it was not performance related. Where did that leave my poor, over-analyzing brain? Looking for a reason for what happened, what changed. Here’s the list I have so far.

1. I wore a skirt the day I was let go. (This was only the second time I’ve worn a skirt at that job.)
   
2. I’ve grown out my hair over the past few years.
   
3. I expressed my opinion often.
   
4. I joked with a friend the week before about losing my job.
   
5. Maybe they didn’t like me and saw I was a sham after all.
   

Besides #5, I decided these reasons aren’t really plausible. But I could have done something to piss someone off, or maybe my personality sucked.

So while watching Voyager, wallowing in my unemployed misery, I got another message. There was the captain I wanted. Someone who could balance leadership, authority, and respect.

One of the characters is offered a chance at changing himself, to improve his perceived flaws. He argues against it, saying that he likes his flaws because they define who he is. Ah ha! moment.

I like who I am too. So what if I have an opinion? That I am a geek girl, emotions and all, in a boy’s world? Those are the things that I value about me. Anyone can do my job. Anyone can do your job. What matters is who you are as a person to make it your own.

That’s not to say I’m totally over the loss. I still believe in that ship. But I know I will find a new ship, and I’m hoping to meet a captain like that. I’m even willing to risk wearing a skirt again.

Ada Lovelace Day

Ada Lovelace Day is an international day of blogging to draw attention to women excelling in technology. (hashtag #ald09 on twitter.)

I didn't have to hestiate when I thought of the woman whom I admire the most in technology. She was my 4th grade teacher, Mrs. Ruth Joslyn.

Mrs. Joslyn had a computer in the back of the classroom. I would come in after school or between classes to see if she'd let me use it. What's funny is that what I wanted to do most was play a game called Little Computer People.

You controlled a little man on the Commodore 64 and sent him food, rang his phone, asked him to play the piano, and other games. Sometimes he'd humor you and sometimes he ignored you. I loved it.



Mrs. Joslyn didn't tell me to stop playing computer games because that wasn't what girls did. Instead, she let me come back as much as possible and would play the game with me. I couldn't believe she was as interested as me!

As I grew up, I stayed in touch with Mrs. Joslyn. She would tell me of the projects she was working on - all technology, although at the time they were too fun for me to even think of it that way. She would do amazing projects with her class, edit videos of her family with computer animation. She always encouraged me to pursue my interests in technology.

One weekend when I was in high school I ran into Mrs. Joslyn at the mall. She had a scarf on over her head and no hair. I was too embarrassed to ask about it; I'd never met someone with cancer before. My dad told me later that she had breast cancer.

I kept in touch with her and invited her to my high school graduation and my college graduation. I would email her and tell her all the things I was doing in technology and I ended up volunteering on a website for a non profit she also gave her time towards. She never let cancer slow her down even when it came back.

When I got my job at the Lance Armstrong Foundation, I let a couple of months lapse before sending her an email to tell her about it. When I remembered to check in, I had a real bad feeling about her. I checked the local paper and she had passed away a few months before from cancer. She became my personal inspiration in the fight against cancer.

Ruth Joslyn was more than my 4th grade teacher. I admire her for her influence on technology in my life not because she had a high level job in the technology sector, but she was my teacher. She showed me it was okay to like technology. She will always be in my heart for the encouragement to discover more about what interests you, and the love she showed me even in her darkest hours. She is still missed.

Panic! at Sacramento

(You should read my post on my panic disorder first.)

We decided to go to the Amgen Tour of California as an opportunity to see Lance ride competitively since it was his only U.S. race this year, and we can't exactly afford a trip to Paris. To challenge myself, I decided that we would stay two nights.

I didn't expect any problems when I planned the trip. My panic disorder was nonexistent in Las Vegas, and I really wanted to watch Lance race. We did all our homework, had a great itinerary, and were good to go.

On the Sunday before we left, I got Very Bad News (VBN). In a way, the VBN came from no where, and I was upset for days. (I can't talk about the VBN yet but I will soon.) I considered changing our trip but I thought I could deal.

We left for Sacramento and saw one of my co-workers on the flight. I had anxiety but I was expecting it since two nights is a HUGE deal for me. (I haven't stayed two nights away from home in about ten years.) When we got to the hotel, I suddenly wanted to go home because I felt trapped.

We checked for flights and found nothing that would get me home that night, which cascaded into panic. (You can follow the panic stream on my Twitter.) I resolved myself to being able to stay one night but we'd go home the next day, even though that was the big day of the Prologue.

In the morning we walked around the course and downtown Sacramento. Downtown is beautiful and very organized. We checked out the Capitol, where they were setting up for the race.



And on a rare chance, even though I had made the weekend crap, we found someone to take a picture of us.



So what happened? A part of me thinks I failed and ruined another trip, and some of that is true. But I'm also not realizing what a huge step that was for me. I always try to jump ahead instead of working my way towards a goal. All the anxiety of the week with the VBD did weigh on me, no matter how much I tried to ignore it, and I need to listen to the clues my brain is giving me.

So total waste? Naw. Disappointment? Definitely. But I'll use to keep working on my panic and will make it up to Aaron soon.